Chapter 16 - MY SECOND MISTAKE
I became obsessed with feeding Evan.
Not withholding.
The opposite.
“Have another bite.”
“You barely ate.”
“Do you want toast?”
“Are you sure you’re full?”
At first it looked like care.
Then Maya watched one dinner.
Evan said:
“I’m done.”
I immediately asked:
“Only four bites?”
Maya looked at me.
I stopped.
Afterward she said:
“You’re teaching him a different version of the same problem.”
My stomach dropped.
“I’m not withholding.”
“No. You’re making his eating regulate your fear.”
That hurt.
Correctly.
I wanted proof he was okay.
A clean plate felt like proof.
It wasn’t.
Evan needed to trust hunger and fullness again.
So I changed.
Meals offered.
Reasonable choices.
No counting bites unless medically necessary.
No constant:
Are you hungry?
No panic if he ate lightly at lunch.
At dinner one night he ate only potatoes.
I nearly combusted.
Said nothing.
Two hours later:
“Can I have yogurt?”
“Yes.”
He ate it.
Survived.
So did I.
Consequential mistake.
May you like
Corrected before it became another rule around his body.
Healing required me to stop using food to manage my emotions too.
