Chapter 7 - Stellan’s Sessions
Supervised visits continued.
Benson wanted them.
Stellan behaved.
He brought no food rules.
No discipline charts.
Supervisor observed:
Warm attachment.
Father responsive to play.
Child seeks reassurance about food.
Father becomes visibly distressed when topic arises.
One visit:
Benson knocked over juice.
He froze.
Stellan reached for napkin.
“It’s okay.”
Benson whispered:
“Red?”
Stellan closed eyes.
“No.”
“Grandma says red.”
“Grandma isn’t making rules here.”
Supervisor noted.
After visit Stellan asked court for step-up.
CPS opposed until investigation complete.
Denied for now.
Then Stellan began individual parenting therapy voluntarily.
Maybe strategic.
Maybe genuine.
Both can coexist.
His therapist later summarized with consent:
Stellan believed Benson’s crying had increased because Rosalie accommodated distress quickly.
Not an insane concern.
Parents can disagree.
He sought Agatha’s help because she seemed effective.
Benson did “behave better” with her.
Why?
Stellan assumed consistency.
Therapist asked:
“Could fear produce compliance?”
He cried.
Maybe first time he considered.
Then his own childhood.
No meals for talking back.
Standing in laundry room.
No dessert.
Slaps rare but normalized.
George, his father, often absent for work.
Agatha ran home.
Stellan thought:
I turned out successful.
Another survival-as-proof family.
Then therapist asked:
“What did you feel when Benson ran to you after Agatha hit him?”
Stellan said:
“Relief.”
That shocked even him.
Why relief?
Because he wanted Benson to choose him.
Then:
“And why did you freeze?”
“Because my mother was watching.”
There.
At thirty-seven, still.
He had two audiences.
His son.
His mother.
He chose neither.
May you like
He chose stillness.
That became central.
