Chapter 18 - Dulled Love
Gareth stopped speaking to Maude except through lawyers.
For months.
Then therapy challenged him.
Was no contact necessary for safety?
At first.
Later?
Maybe less.
Was he using silence as punishment?
Possibly.
He hated question.
We did too.
No contact can be a boundary.
It can also become another way to avoid hard conversation.
Eventually Gareth wrote:
I will speak with you about our relationship. I will not negotiate Elspeth’s status, her trust, or the cabana.
Maude replied:
I understand.
Then they had coffee.
No me.
No Elspeth.
Gareth came home exhausted.
“She thinks Dad chose Els over her.”
“Did he?”
“In that asset?”
“Yes.”
“That’s not the same as love.”
“She knows.”
“Does she?”
He sighed.
Maybe not.
Then:
“She said she loved Elspeth.”
I laughed bitterly.
“Love and exclusion can coexist.”
“I know.”
That was the tragedy.
Maude had made pancakes for Elspeth.
Held her when she had fever.
Bought birthday gifts.
Taught her seashell names.
She was not pretending every loving moment.
Then when belonging threatened Maude’s place, love became conditional.
That was what made it confusing for Elspeth.
Not:
Grandma never loved me.
More dangerous:
Grandma loved me until loving me cost her status.
Therapy helped us explain without turning Maude into a monster.
May you like
Adults can love badly.
Children do not have to accept unsafe versions of love.
