Chapter 17 - THE FIRST REQUEST
When Elias was four months old, Vivienne asked to meet him.
Through her therapist and lawyer.
No direct contact.
Request:
One supervised visit.
Neutral setting.
No photographs.
No discussion of house.
No discussion of my marriage.
No demand for holding.
I said no.
Gideon said nothing for a full day.
Then:
“I agree.”
“Do you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then don’t say you agree.”
He sighed.
“I want to see if she can change.”
“That doesn’t require Elias as the test.”
He looked at me.
Correct.
“She can change without access.”
“Yes.”
That became our rule.
Vivienne continued therapy.
Completed probation.
No violations.
No indirect messages.
Six months later, another request.
I still said no.
Was I punishing?
Maybe partly.
Elena said:
“Grandparents do not automatically have visitation rights over fit parents’ objection in many circumstances, though laws vary. Your decision is primarily parental unless she petitions under applicable statute.”
Would Vivienne petition?
She did not.
Good.
That showed something.
Old Vivienne would have used court to force door.
Current Vivienne waited.
Then Laurel asked to meet Gideon.
He agreed.
Neutral office.
I did not attend.
Afterward:
“How was it?”
“She apologized.”
“Good?”
“Painful.”
“Did she ask about Elias?”
“No.”
That surprised me.
Then:
“She said she doesn’t trust herself around you yet.”
Better.
Self-awareness.
Not proof.
Then Gideon asked:
“Would you ever speak to her?”
“Laurel?”
“Yes.”
“Maybe.”
Not now.
Then my studio.
I returned part-time.
First project meeting.
Breast pump bag.
Postpartum body.
Brain split.
Good.
I had feared Vivienne’s campaign would permanently contaminate the idea of me working, because she had called me a charity case.
Instead I invoiced a hotel group $84,000 and laughed.
Money is sometimes emotionally satisfying.
Then house.
We renovated the dining room.
Not because table haunted me.
Because Gideon had destroyed it.
Insurance covered? Intentional act maybe not. We paid.
New table.
Round.
Gideon said:
“No head.”
I said:
“Don’t make furniture therapy.”
He laughed.
Still bought round.
The old banquet table went to a restoration shop? It was damaged badly. We disposed.
No shrine.
Then the first dinner at new table.
Clara.
Rachel.
Naomi and her husband? Mixing lawyer socially maybe not.
A few friends.
No Vivienne.
No Laurel.
No scripted lines.
Elias slept through dessert.
I spilled wine? Not drinking maybe now postpartum. Could.
No one shoved anyone.
Ordinary.
Then one envelope arrived.
From Vivienne.
Allowed through counsel.
Not request.
A copy of a photograph.
Gideon as a baby in Sutton House.
Vivienne holding him.
On back:
I understand now that being his mother never made the house mine.
No other message.
I cried.
May you like
Then got angry at myself for crying.
Both allowed.
