Chapter 21 - The First Direct Apology
The therapeutic meeting happened when Nell was ten.
Ramona had completed probation.
No violations.
Continued therapy.
No unauthorized modeling.
Dulcie doing well.
Nell asked.
Not court.
Not family pressure.
Dr. Warner sat beside.
I observed through open doorway because Nell requested.
Ramona entered.
No scissors joke.
No dramatic hair stare.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Nell held the archival box.
I had not known she planned that.
Ramona saw it.
Her face drained.
“You kept it.”
Nell said:
“Yes.”
Then:
“Why did you call me ugly?”
Ramona swallowed.
“I said something worse in a different way.”
“You said you wanted.”
“Yes.”
“Did you?”
Ramona took time.
“I wanted to make you less noticeable.”
There.
Nell stared.
“Why?”
“Because I was jealous of attention you received and I told myself it hurt Dulcie.”
“Did it?”
“Sometimes comparisons hurt Dulcie. But cutting your hair did not help her.”
Then:
“She didn't want.”
“No.”
“Did you know?”
Ramona’s eyes filled.
“She told me not to.”
Nell looked stunned even though she knew.
“Then you didn't listen her either.”
“No.”
There.
Both girls.
Then Nell opened box.
The old braid.
Ramona began crying.
Nell did not comfort.
Good.
“Is it ugly?”
“No.”
“Short hair?”
“No.”
“Then why ugly?”
Ramona breathed.
“I used the word ugly because I wanted to hurt your confidence after I had already hurt your hair.”
Brutal.
Truthful.
Nell’s eyes filled.
“That’s mean.”
“Yes.”
Then:
“Do you think I think I’m prettier?”
“No.”
“Did I?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Then you lied.”
“Yes.”
Silence.
Nell closed box.
“Can I ask something?”
“Yes.”
“Never talk about my hair.”
Ramona’s face tightened.
“Ever?”
Nell nodded.
“Ever.”
Ramona said:
“Okay.”
That was a major boundary.
Maybe it would soften later.
Maybe not.
Then:
“Can I say sorry?”
“You already.”
“I know.”
Nell shrugged.
“You can.”
Ramona said:
“I am sorry I cut your hair. I am sorry I used you and Dulcie like you were competing. I am sorry I made you question your face and body because I could not manage my own jealousy.”
No request.
Nell stood.
“I’m done.”
Ramona nodded.
“Okay.”
No hug.
Meeting ended.
In the car, Nell said:
“I don't forgive all.”
“You don't have to.”
“Maybe some.”
“That’s yours.”
She put braid box back in closet.
A month later she asked me to throw it away.
I said:
“Are you sure?”
She said:
“No.”
May you like
So we waited.
Choice does not need speed.
