Chapter 15 - My Diversion
I finished my own anger program three months after Ramona’s sentencing.
One exercise asked:
“What do you fear losing if you do not retaliate?”
I wrote:
Power.
Then crossed it out.
Wrote:
Proof that I protect my daughter.
That was closer.
If I did not physically punish Ramona, did that mean I had failed Nell?
No.
But my body had believed action needed impact.
Kick.
Fall.
Visible consequence.
The same primitive logic behind Ramona’s scissors:
I need the world to look different after I act.
That comparison made me furious.
Then useful.
I did not need to be identical to learn from similarity.
At home Nell asked:
“You done class?”
“Yes.”
“Can I see certificate?”
“There is no fancy certificate.”
“Rip-off.”
I laughed.
Then:
“What happens now?”
“My case gets dismissed if everything is complete.”
“Does that mean kick didn’t happen?”
I stared.
“No.”
“Good.”
“Why good?”
“Because it did.”
There.
Children care about accurate history.
Not endless punishment.
My charge was dismissed.
I did not ask Nell to forgive me for frightening her.
I apologized.
She said:
“You kicked her because you were mad.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t do it again.”
May you like
“Okay.”
That was enough.
