Chapter 15 - THE SHRINE I BUILT BY ACCIDENT
My largest mistake after the engagement ended came from guilt.
I ordered the recovered boxes brought back into the house.
All of them.
Then instructed staff:
“Put everything where it was.”
The problem:
No one knew exactly where everything had been.
So they placed Mara everywhere.
Photographs on the upstairs landing.
Her books in the family room.
Her jewelry box on a console.
Framed wedding picture in the hall.
College portrait in the study.
A scarf display? Not the lost scarf. Another scarf.
Within two days, the house looked more like Mara’s memorial service than the home she had actually lived in.
I told myself:
Nothing disappears.
Eva stopped sleeping well.
She asked Grace:
“Mommy coming?”
Grace told me.
Dr. Ward came to the house.
She walked through the hall.
Then looked at me.
“What are you doing?”
“Restoring.”
“To what?”
I had no answer.
Mara had never placed twelve photographs of herself in one corridor.
I had.
Why?
Because Celeste tried to erase her.
So I overcorrected.
Made Mara more visible than she had ever been.
Another adult agenda imposed on Eva.
I removed most of it that night.
Not hidden.
Stored properly.
Then I asked Eva to choose.
“Which Mommy picture do you want in your room?”
She chose one.
Not the beautiful professional portrait.
A blurry kitchen photograph where Mara had flour on her nose.
“Why this?”
“Mommy funny.”
Good.
One picture.
The locket.
The keepsake box accessible with help.
May you like
Enough.
Preservation did not require worship.
