Chapter 15 - THE CHILD WE HAD NOT MET YET
At twenty weeks, we had the anatomy scan.
A girl.
Healthy anatomy as far as imaging could determine.
Four chambers.
Spine.
Hands.
Feet.
Measurements on track.
I cried.
Auberon stared at the screen.
Then the technician asked:
“Do you want a picture?”
“Yes.”
We took three.
I did not send them to Fenella.
That should not have felt radical.
It did.
Then the baby’s name.
We had planned to use Fenella’s middle name.
Before.
Auberon asked:
“Do you still want that?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
No guilt.
No:
But she’s my mother.
We chose Marin.
Not after anyone.
Then I became angry at myself for letting Fenella affect the name.
Maren—my therapist—said:
“You are allowed to choose a name for any reason.”
Good.
No symbolism required.
Then pregnancy symptoms persisted normally.
Back pain.
Heartburn.
Fear.
Every time hunger hit, I ate immediately.
Sometimes too fast.
Sometimes I panicked if the pantry looked low.
We kept food visible.
Fruit bowl.
Crackers.
Granola bars beside the bed.
Not because starvation was likely.
Because my body wanted proof.
May you like
Auberon never commented on portions.
That mattered.
