Chapter 16 - MY BODY BECOMES MINE AGAIN
At thirty-seven weeks, I stopped reading legal documents after dinner.
Tessa’s rule.
Not law.
Therapy.
My blood pressure had begun climbing mildly.
Not preeclampsia.
Labs normal.
Doctor said:
“Rest does not mean lying still all day. It means stop having legal depositions in bed.”
Fair.
We moved the court folder to Oswin’s office.
I walked.
I folded baby clothes.
I hated folding baby clothes.
Tiny sleeves impossible.
Then one afternoon I sat in the nursery alone.
No one else’s nursery.
Ours.
Crib.
Changing table.
Chair.
The boxed blanket from Calista still in closet.
I opened it.
Soft green.
No note.
I cried.
Then used it.
Not because forgiveness.
Because a blanket was not a claim.
That distinction felt freeing.
When Oswin saw it on the chair, he stopped.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Does it mean—”
“No.”
He nodded.
Good.
No symbolism assigned without permission.
Then hospital wristband from assault remained in a drawer.
I wanted to throw it away.
Kept it for legal evidence? Photographed and maybe no need original. Naomi said discard if not relevant. I threw it away.
That felt bigger than it should have.
Then birth contractions?
False alarm at thirty-seven plus four.
Hospital.
Security plan activated.
No Vespera.
No drama.
Contractions stopped.
I went home.
Good.
Then Oswin asked:
“Were you scared Mom would appear?”
“Yes.”
“Did she?”
“No.”
Evidence of compliance.
Tessa encouraged me to update my internal model.
Not:
Vespera is safe.
But:
The order is working.
She is following it.
That matters.
Then I slept six hours straight.
Luxury.
Then Calista sent one letter through mediator.
Not apology again.
A factual correction.
She had told Vespera about our backup guardian nomination years earlier.
Not Oswin.
That was how Vespera first focused on it.
Important.
Calista owned it.
No need create conspiracy.
She had casually said:
“If anything happened to them, I’m guardian.”
Vespera later built on it.
Then Calista wrote:
I used that nomination as proof to myself that you trusted me with a child, and I let that become proof you might want me to have this child. Those are not the same.
Exactly.
That letter I kept.
Not for the baby.
May you like
For me.
Because it named the mistake clearly.
