Chapter 19 - THE HOME STUDY
My home study was not a coronation.
The evaluator found strengths.
Stable employment.
Close bond.
No substance issue.
Safe home.
Willingness to use therapy.
Then weaknesses.
Impulsivity under perceived threat.
School change.
Discussing Tavian’s concerns with Esmond.
Work travel history.
No prior parenting experience.
Small support network.
That last one annoyed me.
Then I realized it was true.
My entire plan had been:
I’ll do it.
Children do not need one heroic adult.
They need backup.
So I built some.
After-school program.
Neighbor emergency contact.
Tavian’s friend Marcus as secondary caregiver.
Pediatrician.
Therapist.
Dad? Our father was dead long ago. No.
Our aunt Elaine lived nearby.
I asked if she could be an emergency pickup.
She said yes.
Not a grand new character arc.
Just infrastructure.
Then work.
I moved from travel-heavy projects to a regional role.
Salary dropped twelve percent.
Manageable.
Could I have changed before Tavian died?
Yes.
That hurt.
I had told myself I couldn’t.
Death clarified what I had been unwilling to rearrange.
Then Ulric’s evaluation.
Strengths:
Long caregiving history.
Existing school/community knowledge.
Strong practical skills.
Past bond.
Weaknesses:
Anger.
Entitlement language.
Criminal plea.
Failure to recognize Esmond’s autonomy in court preference.
He had begun treatment.
The evaluator did not call him irredeemable.
Recommended:
Not primary guardian now.
Potential structured uncle contact later if progress continued.
I hated how reasonable that sounded.
Then remembered:
May you like
Esmond loved him before the bat.
Safety and love can coexist in the same file.
