Chapter 21 - MICAH’S QUESTION
At nine, Micah asked the question I had been waiting for.
“Did Mom choose the doctor instead of us?”
We were driving home from soccer.
I pulled into a park.
“No.”
“But she left.”
“Yes.”
“She went to the doctor.”
“Yes.”
“So how is that not choosing?”
I had discussed this with Dr. Grant.
No euphemisms.
No burden.
“Mom needed medical treatment. Going for treatment was a good decision.”
He frowned.
“Then what was bad?”
“She did not make sure a safe adult had you before she left. And after she learned Grandma hadn’t come, she didn’t call me.”
“Because she thought you’d be mad.”
“Yes.”
“Were you?”
“Very.”
“So she was right.”
I almost laughed.
“She was right that I would be angry. She was wrong that avoiding my anger was more important than telling me where you were.”
Micah kicked the dashboard lightly.
“Would you have taken us?”
“Temporarily, yes.”
“Forever?”
“I don’t know. The court would decide.”
He looked out the window.
“She thought forever.”
“Yes.”
“Was she sick in her brain?”
“Addiction changes how people think and make decisions. But she could still make some choices.”
“Is she still sick?”
“She’s in recovery.”
“What’s that?”
“It means she works every day to stay healthy and not use the things that hurt her.”
He nodded.
Then:
“Was Grandma bad?”
“Grandma Vivian made dangerous choices too.”
“Everybody says choices.”
“Because people are more complicated than good and bad.”
“I like good and bad.”
“Me too.”
We sat in silence.
Then Micah asked:
“Did I save Elsie?”
The question frightened me.
“You helped her.”
“I called you.”
“Yes.”
“If I didn’t, she could die?”
“We don’t know exactly what would have happened.”
“But bad?”
“Yes.”
He stared at his hands.
“I should have called sooner.”
“No.”
“You said Wednesday.”
“The phone didn’t work.”
“I could have gone outside.”
“You were six and told the door was dangerous.”
“But—”
I stopped him.
“You are not the adult who was supposed to solve it.”
He began crying.
I moved to the back seat and held him.
That sentence needed years of repetition.
You were not the adult.
Hero stories can burden children almost as much as blame.
Micah did something brave.
He did not become responsible for the fact adults failed before he needed bravery.
We never called him the boy who saved his sister in public.
At home, he was just Micah.
Terrible at putting socks in the hamper.
Good at math.
May you like
Afraid of empty cereal boxes.
Obsessed with dinosaurs longer than he would later admit.
