Chapter 20 - THE FIRST NIGHT AWAY
I slept three hours.
Crosby slept nine.
At Beckett’s apartment.
No Veda.
No blue room.
No cameras.
Beckett had a baby monitor only in Crosby’s bedroom because normal safety.
He disclosed it.
No recording cloud.
Good.
Crosby came home excited.
“Daddy pancakes bad.”
“That sounds right.”
“He let Rabbit sit chair.”
“Good.”
“Daddy said crying okay.”
I looked at Beckett.
He looked down.
No speech.
Later Dr. Park asked Crosby:
“What happens if you cry at Daddy’s?”
“Daddy asks.”
“What?”
“What wrong.”
“And if you don’t know?”
“He says okay.”
That was change.
Not enough to erase.
Enough to build.
My own life expanded.
The hospital architecture project finished.
I received the promotion.
Travel limited to two nights a month initially.
Safe nanny.
Paige.
Beckett’s schedule.
No Veda dependency.
I learned that “I need help” did not mean “family gets unlimited authority.”
Important.
Then Veda became eligible for a therapeutic accountability program in custody.
She participated.
No direct benefit to sentence promised.
Good.
Not performance for release.
She wrote no more letters for six months.
Restraint.
Her sentence continued.
Crosby stopped asking about Grandma weekly.
Then one day:
“Grandma dead?”
“No.”
“Where?”
“In a place where grown-ups stay when they broke serious rules.”
“Jail?”
“Yes.”
He knew word now.
“Because Bear?”
“Because of several unsafe things.”
“Will she come back?”
“Someday she’ll leave there.”
“To us?”
“Not automatically.”
He accepted.
Then:
“Can Bear come back?”
My throat closed.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Fire damaged him.”
Crosby looked sad.
Then fetched Rabbit.
“I have Rabbit.”
No replacement erases.
New attachment.
Fine.
Beckett asked if he could give Crosby a bear like the old one.
I said:
“Ask therapist.”
Dr. Park:
“Better let Crosby choose if he wants another bear.”
At a toy store, Crosby chose a dinosaur instead.
Good.
Adults had been assigning meaning to that bear long enough.
Then Veda’s civil appeal over family-court restrictions failed.
No automatic grandmother visitation.
Future contact depends on safety.
She accepted no further appeal.
That mattered.
The criminal case was winding down.
The custody case stabilized.
But one final confrontation remained.
Veda’s release hearing and the question everyone kept asking me:
Would I let her see Crosby again?
May you like
I did not know.
And for once, I was willing not to decide early.
