Chapter 22 - ETHAN AS A FATHER
Ethan first saw Ava in person when she was four.
Not because courts are always that slow.
Because custody reviews took time.
His sentence.
Treatment.
Release.
Supervised reentry.
Psychological evaluation.
Domestic-violence program.
No rushing.
Before that:
Letters.
Birthday cards.
Approved photographs.
Video? One supervised therapeutic video at age three after child specialist recommended.
Ava knew:
“Daddy Ethan lives far away.”
We did not tell a toddler prison details.
At four, first supervised meeting.
Family center.
Therapist present.
I was nearby but not in room.
Ava entered holding a stuffed rabbit.
Ethan cried immediately.
Therapist later told me only what Ava consented to share? She was four. Parent receives report.
He did not hug without asking.
Good.
“Can I hug you?”
Ava hid behind therapist.
“No.”
Ethan nodded.
“Okay.”
That one okay probably required years of treatment.
They colored.
Built blocks.
At end, Ava offered him the rabbit for five seconds.
Then took it back.
Progress measured properly.
I hated how happy I was for him.
Not because I wanted him.
Because Ava deserved a father capable of respecting no.
Visits continued.
Slow.
Supervised.
No overnights.
At seven, she asked:
“Why don’t Daddy Ethan and you live together?”
“Because he hurt me and made unsafe choices.”
“Did he hurt me?”
“He hurt me while I was pregnant, by refusing help after Grandma Margaret hurt me. But you were born healthy.”
“Did he hit you?”
“Yes.”
She looked down.
“Does he still?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because we don’t live together, and he has worked on changing.”
“Is he good now?”
Hard question.
“He is doing better. Adults prove safety over time.”
She nodded.
Then:
“Do I have to love Grandma Margaret?”
“No.”
“Do I?”
“I don’t know.”
“She sends boring cards.”
True.
Margaret, after release much later, was not allowed direct contact initially.
Letters screened.
No pressure.
Then Ethan wrote me once:
Thank you for not making Ava responsible for what I did to you.
I did not answer.
May you like
Because the sentence was correct.
And because I had needed therapy to learn how not to do exactly that.
