Chapter 23 - TRAVIS’S PART
We had focused so much on Lorraine that Travis almost escaped his own accountability.
I didn’t let him.
Marriage counseling.
He hated first session.
“I defended Zia eventually.”
Eventually.
That word.
Therapist asked:
“How long had behavior existed?”
Three years.
“How often did your wife raise concerns?”
Often.
“How did you respond?”
“I talked to Mom.”
“Then?”
“We continued seeing her.”
“What did your mother learn?”
Travis closed eyes.
“That my objections didn’t change access.”
There.
Then:
“What did your wife learn?”
He looked at me.
“That I would complain but not protect.”
I cried.
He did too.
Not reconciliation; we were married. Repair.
I told him:
“I started making myself smaller at your family events.”
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you did.”
He listened.
“I stopped correcting Lorraine because every correction became a three-day problem.”
“I started telling Zia Grandma is old-fashioned.”
“I hate that phrase now.”
“I stopped asking you to leave early because you looked torn.”
“I let Zia sit through things so you didn’t have to choose.”
That was mine.
Not all Travis.
I had participated in peacekeeping.
Why?
Fear.
Of being blamed.
Of being second wife with child from first marriage.
Of being accused of isolating him.
Lorraine eventually accused anyway.
We both had work.
Therapist asked:
“What do you want Zia to learn from how this ended?”
Travis:
“That she belongs.”
Me:
“That adults fix adult problems.”
Then:
“That saying stop doesn’t require a courtroom.”
Good.
Then Travis changed habits outside Lorraine.
At school, if someone misintroduced him as stepdad, he corrected only if Zia wanted.
“How do you want me described?”
“Dad.”
Fine.
On medical forms where legal relationship required:
Stepfather.
No shame.
Emotional relationship and legal category can coexist.
Lorraine’s mistake was not using accurate legal terms.
It was using categories to assign worth.
That nuance mattered.
Then one evening Travis looked at key ring.
“I think I used Mom too.”
“What?”
“As purpose.”
After Ellen? no.
He explained.
Being needed made him feel like good son.
Fixing.
Driving.
Solving.
He never had to ask:
Do I actually enjoy this relationship?
Dependency hid emotional distance.
When he withdrew emergency role, he and Lorraine had to talk like adults instead of task manager and caller.
That was harder.
Maybe healthier.
He started meeting her monthly for coffee.
No repairs.
No errands unless genuinely wanted.
Sometimes he said no.
She survived.
Sometimes yes.
Because he chose.
That distinction softened him.
Then Lorraine babysitting question emerged.
Zia asked:
“Can Grandma stay with me while you go movie?”
We froze.
Unsupervised contact.
Was she ready?
Was Lorraine?
Dr. Kaplan said:
“Short, low-stakes trial if everyone agrees.”
We did two hours at our house.
Not Lorraine’s.
Rules.
No discussing past.
No inviting relatives.
No leaving.
Emergency numbers.
Lorraine arrived.
Travis almost gave house key.
Stopped.
We had keypad temporary code.
Better.
Code expired after visit.
Lorraine noticed.
Said nothing.
When we returned, Zia and Lorraine were baking cinnamon toast.
Kitchen smoky.
Too much sugar.
Both laughing.
Nothing terrible.
No miracle.
One successful evening.
May you like
Trust rebuilt in small units.
Not with a returned key.
